It’s January 1st! It’s 2018! Happy New Year everyone!
Yesterday, I posted on my personal Facebook page:
Saying goodbye to a friend tonight. She brought me lots of bad nights and lots of pain. But she also brought me some of the happiest moments of my life. I wouldn’t trade her for the world, but it’s time to move on. Thank you for pushing me forward one day at a time, but it’s time to pass the torch. We’ll miss you 2017, 2018 is almost here!!!
Well, 2018 is officially here and she’s full of possibility. I didn’t get to sleep until 6:30 this morning, I seriously just couldn’t sleep. I decided to be productive and started on my BlogHer speech. I also downloaded a book for inspiration, “Leading Women: 20 Influential Women Share Their Secrets to Leadership, Business, and Life,” by Nancy D O’Reilly. I’m eagerly in Part 2 right now and I’m feeling the wisdom. There is a quote that really caught my attention. “I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well,” by Diane Ackerman, poet.
With Migraine, how easy is it to live up to this mantra? I’m not entirely sure, but I am motivated to find out. It won’t be easy, but what is? I hate to say it, but I don’t read too many books like this. I normally stick to fiction in order to escape the pain and reality of life with migraine. I want 2018 to bring change. Healthy change. Proactive change. I want to have faith in myself. I want to have faith in my husband and my children. I always thought I did, but when I really think about it, I think those were words I said absentmindedly. I want to believe in those words. I want every word I say in this world to have meaning. I’m a work in progress.
Migraine is a dream killer. It’s a soul sucker. In the Harry Potter world, Migraine is an evil Dementor, sucking the life energy right out of you, if you allow it. It took me 14 years of migraine disease to realize that it doesn’t have to be those things. I feel I had to go through all of these years as a sufferer so that I could come out the other side as a warrior. I want to be able to sit with a Migraineur and tell my story. Show them that life must be taken one day at a time. Don’t look at tomorrow and just know it’s going to be awful. With Chronic Migraine, it’s a possibility that tomorrow will bring a migraine. Yes, it could be true. Could be is NOT a fact.
Today, I’ve had migraine symptoms. But I also was able to make homemade chicken soup for my girl because she has flu-like symptoms. She’s lathered in Vick’s Vapo Rub, sipping on chicken broth, keeping up her immunity by drinking Emergen-C, and taking NyQuil Flu & Cold to help her sleep tonight. Hopefully I can get her an appointment tomorrow to make sure she isn’t fighting Flu. I was also able to wash dishes, clean up the kitchen, and take it easy with my family. A good day indeed.
I’ve accepted my life includes pain. Yes, pain at varying levels. Yes, pain that will keep me bed-ridden for days at a time. But I do my best to remind myself that better days are ahead. I know I’ll find myself falling into depression once the migraine reaches 3+ days in a row. I’m not perfect, I’m not always happy or smiling. I can’t always hide my pain. I am okay with that. I will forgive myself each time for not keeping up my positivity. I will not beat myself for not following my own advice. I’m human after all. That’s the key, forgive myself, do not berate myself, love the me that hurts. Tomorrow is a new day, but don’t dwell on it. After all, it’s a new year, a new start.