I sit here tonight, sad. Sad for my little family. I have been asleep almost all day, waking up at 7pm. I think I fell asleep around 3pm, but have been in bed since 12:30pm with a migraine. My husband has been at work since 2:30pm and won’t be home until 10:00pm tonight.
My heart is hurting for my teenage kids. They are full of energy and ambition. They have things they’d like to do, even child-like things – like looking at Christmas lights at night or spending time at the mall. But I can’t drive because of seizures, the lights hurt sometimes, and the mall this time of year is brutal on my senses. But I close my eyes at the flickering lights or hold my breath passing the candle store. I can’t help not driving, which is why we never leave.
My husband has to work to provide for our family and is also a full-time student so his time is very limited. He is also my caretaker when I’m so sick I can’t care for myself. If it isn’t him, it’s my kids. He’s tired. My teens are pro’s at taking care of me in emergency situations, they’ve been doing it since they were born.
These days they spend their days on the couch watching TV or playing video games or on their laptops watching movies or reading and asking me if we can go somewhere or do something. They get to see their friends having so much fun through Instagram and Snapchat while they lay in bed wishing they were there too.
We don’t get visitors, everyone is so busy, and we rarely have anyone ask if we’d like to come over because then they’d have to pick us up since my husband is always gone. I do call family sometimes to pick us up and invite ourselves over just to get us out of the house, but I feel guilty and like I’m imposing. We’ve been invited to two family Christmas events this weekend, which I’m so greatful! My hubby will be able to take us and stay with us too! So I’m excited and looking forward to that for sure. ❤
I haven’t gone Christmas shopping at all and I guess it works out because my kids have asked for money this year. I can have my hubby stop by an ATM for that and Walgreens for a Christmas card. I just don’t feel so joyful this Christmas. Why? Because my kids don’t look happy. There’s no Christmas spirit in our home this year and we aren’t leaving our house much. It’s pretty depressing. I’ve been sick so much, so my energy is zapped. But I still smile. I have to. I’m not singing in the Christmas choir at church this year and that breaks my heart.
So if you know of someone who is sick a lot with children, no matter how old they are, offer a visit, a ride to the park, or invite to pick them up and take them to your house for a few hours. Sometimes just getting out of the house can really brighten someone’s dark days, especially their children’s. Because they suffer just as much.
Erica Nicole Carrasco is a blogger sharing stories of life with Hemiplegic Migraine and Non-Epileptic Seizures. She takes you on a journey through life’s ups and downs, smiles and frowns with chronic illness.
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